Who Am I?

For the last couple of weeks, there have been quite a few days that I have woken up and not known what day it is. I know I am still relatively sane… but I also know that this might be a sign that I should do some self diagnosis on my lifestyle as it stands right now.

I used to travel full time for my career as a musician. Any road musician or frequent traveler will have most likely experienced this phenomenon of waking up and asking yourself these two questions…

Where am I? And…

What day is it?

Christian musicians may have also been thankful for Sunday because on the road they may end up leading music at a service on a Sunday. Because of this, they finally know what day it is again. The problem of knowing where you are at a particular moment when you wake up quickly reminds me of the scene from the cult classic movie Spinal Tap where Nigel (I think it’s Nigel) has to write ‘Cleveland’ on the back of his guitar so he knows what city to thank - ’Thank youuuuu…pause…checks back of guitar…checks city name…yells…Clevelaaaaaand’. For myself I know that this condition of being temporarily disoriented to space and time can reveal at least 4 things about myself. Two are factual and outside of my control. Two are diagnoses that I should probably pay attention to.

  1. I may be on tour

If that is the case, my space / time continuum or whatever you want to call it, will be pretty much totally disrupted until at least 2 days to 2 weeks after I return home, depending on the length of the tour. If you’ve experienced it, this is a totally normal condition and there’s nothing to worry about, it will pass (deep breathing sometimes helps).

  1. I may be on vacation

If that is the case, a disruption in my ability to know what day it is, or even what TIME of day it is, is quite welcome and sometimes even hoped for – unless I need to know the day so that I don’t miss swimming with the dolphins or my paragliding adventure, or the lunch buffet.

  1. I am wayyyy too busy

Quite clearly, my disorientation may be related to the fact that I’m going a little bit too full tilt – and I really just need to slow down. Deep breathing doesn’t really help here…lol… But seriously, as hard as it is to take the off-ramp from the fast lane for a bit, if I don’t do it I risk some serious consequences. Blogs should be long enough to get a point across but short enough to read and move on. So I’ll save my list for another time…

  1. I am too into myself

This may surprise you, but I think the more you focus on yourself, your career, your success, even your Christian service – the more you may be at risk of losing yourself. Yes, you have to focus, but there is also a line that can be crossed where you lose perspective because of how close you are to something. Service of God can become the enemy of God if your work for Him comes at the expense of your personal relationship with Him. How this happens is as mysterious as it is simple. It happens before you know it, and you are hard-pressed to explain it, but it can be as simple as the fact that you are pressing inward or forward so hard that you leave your sense of self way back in the dust somewhere… Or like I say, you are so close to whatever it is, that you can’t see it for what it is… you need to take a step (or many steps) back.

So, if you’re like me and experiencing these ‘symptoms’, like wondering what day it is, do yourself the favor and take your foot off the gas for just a bit. Slow down enough to plan for a rest in the near future, and be accountable to it. Or, if you have to – stop, back up and get perspective. Leading up to Christmas that is difficult to do, but especially at this season you’ll be thankful you did.

I’m confident that soon enough, you’ll remember where you are, when you are, and most importantly who you are.